Prologue, day one
Wednesday November 3
Mark:
Living in your own studio in the Irish countryside with no neighbours with your girlfriend who also just happens to be half your act really isn’t a bad way to go about things. And mornings like this really are what it’s all about. We have a nice, lazy start to the day, waking up slow. But once we’re up, we’re all go and it’s on. We hit the studio. Hard.
We’ve had the set pretty much there since last weekend. Now it’s all about running the thing and polishing and sculpting which has been our priority one everyday.
To do that, we also have the warm up thing which often includes a cup of tea and a trip out to our back garden which contains a ruined 18th century factory. And a river. It’s a perfect setting and it truly fits our location as the only house on the most central crossroads in the country. This makes us geographically the most central people in the country.
So out we go to prepare, Maja loudly running her vocal scales to a tutorial video while I join in beside her but not quite so loud. I kinda keep it more talky level. While she’s the singer, my backing vocal duties mean I also have to keep up my end up. So here we are, wandering down to the river at the bottom of our garden on a crisp, semi blue skied mid morning. Flanked by the dramatic three and six storey half destroyed mill buildings and with a light rain gently swirling, the crows look down on us as, steaming mugs in hand, we run through the exercises free of any inhibition. Although the main street of our small town is right across that river, no-one can hear us.
Maja’s progress has been a thing of wonder and I consider this again as her voice soars and soars through the vocal exercises while she runs up the scales, each repetition higher than the one before. By sheer force of will she has crafted herself into a singer. She had a nice voice when we met in February, but nowhere near the power or control she wields now. And here we are. Six months after the Brexit instigated move to Ireland from London, we’ve developed our sound and our set and are ready to hit the stage. For Maja’s first ever gig.
In the past few days we’ve stopped facing each other in rehearsal and have now set ourselves up side by side, as we would be on a stage. So many young bands make the mistake of not doing that, always rehearsing in the round, and then they’re suddenly lost at their first gig as they can’t see or communicate with each other as easily as they’re used to. We also have all our equipment set up as though for a gig, speaker on, mixing desk to our left. My guitar mic’d up as it will be, although hopefully this will be the only gig where we do that; by the time we hit the stage after this first time, we’ll have an electro acoustic. And we’ll be in Berlin. The opening city for our European tour. The mad thing here is that we are following through on intentions we stated after we’d known each other less than four weeks. Back then, on March 17 and in the midst of despair at Brexit threatening to tear us apart, we decided we were going to defeat its consequences by writing songs and touring the world. And here we are, an English guy and a Swedish girl in the dead centre of Ireland with songs written and up to speed, and about to start on the next bit.
Although we know these songs very well by now and have recorded a few of them, there are still a surprising amount of details to get right and internalise, and in some cases even rewrite as we feel there are parts that just don’t quite work. Now it’s time to look at that micro picture. Really dive deep and spend time on the smallest of details. Then emerge and see the bigger picture again, the song complete. One two three go. Again and again, song after song. Got through that, now back to the start and play the whole set without pause, details complete. This includes how we approach my backing vocals and, with Maja’s voice having got stronger by the day, we look at changing a few keys. Each new key change adds that little extra whip and pop. I’d say that since we started recording a few weeks ago, Maja’s voice has undergone the biggest improvement it’s ever been through. It’s the most impressive and quickest growth I’ve ever seen in a musician and it has not happened by accident. This has been sheer will and dedication.
Maja:
Lately it’s been hard actually getting to the singing, and as things tend to do, they are starting to slip away from me. It’s on the agenda to do every day, but even living together with Mark it can be hard to get it started. But as soon as I’m up we’re on it. The rehearsals right now have started to take the shape of going through the setlist focusing on the places I think is the hardest to nail. So we get on it and start to iron out these little places. I’m having a bit of a hard time with some of the melodies, and am still at times singing certain pitches a little bit flat. We also take a look at the setlist. I’ve been finding the song When I’m With You a little bit hard to nail recently, and maybe I’m finding it a little bit uninspiring right now, so even though I know the song, at times when I sing it, it sounds a little bit – off maybe? So that song goes out of the setlist for now. It’s still a great song, we both love it, but it’s a risk right now.
A risk we’re not willing to take.
When it comes to originals, people usually have very short attention spans. If you go to a pub on a Saturday night, people want to hear covers. They want to sing along, or just continue chatting without putting that much focus into it. With originals, people usually lose interest quite quickly. So we’ve prepared a shortened setlist of five songs, so we can keep their attention. Open up with: Smile Is Going Round, I Like You (Better When You’re Naked), Freefall, All That I Can Be and lastly All Kinds Of Wonderful. It’s a short set, maybe 20-25 minutes, that is almost guaranteed to keep the crowd’s attention. No really slow songs, everything is powerful, fast paced and poppy. Just fun. And then we’re leaving a couple of songs that we could get to if the feeling is right. We rehearse on and off until I say no, I can’t continue anymore. It’s around five and my voice is breaking. After dinner I go to rest, and spend a little too long lying in bed mindlessly watching silly videos. Mark soon comes next to me and soon I can hear him start to snore. As it approaches nine, I toss the covers off me. ‘Wake up, if we’re going to see the guys we need to go now.’
Mark:
The guys are Pat and Colm. We met them on Sunday at the end of our day trip to Tullamore, the biggest town in Offaly. We’d been round a bunch of pubs and were on our last one before catching the last train back to Clara, which left at 9:30. And it was here that Pat just happened to be performing, his friend Colm tagging along for moral support and to sing a song or two. We got talking to Pat before the show, introducing ourselves as musicians and he was very welcoming. So much so that when we rose from our seats half an hour later, and said bye, and that we had to leave for our last train, he said, ‘Stick around and have the craic. I’m going your way. I’ll give you a lift.’ Wonderful. So stick around we did, and got into the fun hanging out with Colm and having a good dance around the place and taking in the general feelgood vibes created by one man and his guitar.
On the way home, they told us they were playing a little informal show at The Trap, our local, and where we just happened to be playing on Friday. They’d love to see us there, they say. So, tonight, there is where we’re going to go.
Maja:
Mark is immediately up, properly putting on a shirt. I reluctantly brush my hair. I’m tired, I’m going to go there, but I won’t even bother changing clothes. I’m wearing my Gorillaz sweatshirt, the one that only the band got from Damon Albarn during their tour a couple of years ago, the Humanz tour. Under it just a worn down T-shirt. Well, I’m ready to go. We get there and just inside Pat and Colm and a couple of others are sitting there next to the entrance drinking pints of Guinness. We say hello, and go get ourselves a beer each then go sit down at the table next to them, in the corner of the pub. We’re a bit too far away to participate in the discussions but we’re still closeby and the football is on. Me and Mark start to talk details about the tour we’re planning. We’ve recently started to entertain the concept of really penetrating a couple of cities before continuing along. Like, actually be in Berlin for a month or so, to build a reputation, and then start over in another city, maybe Amsterdam or Prague. Do that on repeat until we hopefully penetrate something bigger and get ourselves on to a real, organised tour or something else that could be amazing to do.
Mark seems a little bit bored with me, and wants to chat with others as well since we’re out. But I really don’t feel that way. Not tonight. I just want to see the music show, watch the football and drink one or maybe two beers. Without talking to anyone. So I sit back and let Mark go and talk with someone. It’s nice not having to be social all the time. I’m great at being social, but I kind of need to be in the mood for it. I just want to be with Mark and watch what’s going on. Colm asks why Mark hasn’t brought his guitar, but it’s not really what I want to spend my night doing. Sitting alone just watching Mark play. That feels a bit… unfriendly even.
Mark:
I actually thought it would be a bit presumptuous to just bring an instrument. Especially if I had chosen to bring anything it would have been my bass and amp which would have had everyone wondering what the hell I planned to do with that at a table performance. Of course my volume would have been totally appropriate and fine, but I think just walking in with a 300 watt amp would have sent the wrong message. Once I’ve had the invitation, I do consider going home to get it and even say I could do so but I sense a very subtle reaction from Maja and ask, away from the guys, how she feels. Totally reasonably, she says, ‘I don’t want to be sitting here on my own while you go off and play with people. That’s not really my idea of a good night out.’ Yeah. Fair enough.
Maja:
So Mark decides to stay with me instead. As the football ends the musicians go to the stage area and sit around the table bringing out their instruments. Today’s musicians consist of Pat and his friends: his uncle Colm on guitar, Michael on Cajon and guitar, and Aine on violin. Pat calls us over and invites us to sit at the table but we feel that would be a bit of an intrusion. We’re fine where we are for now.
They start to sing and we sit close by listening. After a while Mark goes to chat with some people and I enjoy my one beer and entertainment. Completely convinced I’m going to keep a low profile, not talking to anyone.
Mark:
I’m not bored with Maja. Not at all. But yeah, we’re out and we’re playing in this place in a few days’ time. I want to be sociable. But of course, we can hang out as just the two of us as well. It’s just that we’re also new to this town and there are a few people dotted about here tonight that we’ve got to know a little and who have been very welcoming. I’d like to go and say hi at the very least, and so I do.
Maja:
After a while Mark comes up to me to say that someone wants us to play. What?
No. No way! No, no, no, no, no. That’s not happening. I’m overly clear telling Mark this, then I escape to the ladies room. Upon my return, Mark grabs my shoulders, looks me in the eyes, very seriously, telling me: We should really play something. They’re asking us to.’ ‘No way Mark. We’re playing on Friday. I don’t want to wreck my voice.‘ Once again I try to get back to my seat. I feel a bit, well, not ready to perform. Mark is on me once again, ‘Please, we kind of need to.’ ‘Fine, but ONLY if I get to do Breakthrough. Because my voice isn’t holding up for any of the big songs.’ Mark seems relieved.
Mark:
It’s the landlord Jimmy who first asks us to play. When I mention it to Maja she firmly says she doesn’t want to. Her voice is weak from everything we’ve done today and she doesn’t want to blow it for Friday. Fair enough. And anyway, I’m not going to begin to try to persuade Maja to do something she doesn’t want to do. I go and tell Jimmy we’re not playing and he’s like, ‘Why not?’ He doesn’t say it, but I can see it written all over face. We’re playing in here Friday. There’s an audience here and musicians with instruments that we can use to help advertise ourselves, both for ourselves and, as far as Jimmy’s concerned, for his bar. I totally get it. I return to Maja and yes, I’m a bit more forceful this time, saying that we’re here Friday, the bar has been kind enough to give us the gig, the least we can do is play at least one song here to help promote it. She gets it too.
Maja:
It is kind of a sit around the table with the musicians there, who seem to be playing mainly for themselves. I feel ridiculously out of place, like I don’t belong there. I combat my feelings and go up to the table where they welcome me. Mark gets to borrow Colm’s guitar, and we both sit down at the table. One, two, three and we’re off. It’s a very low song and I can’t sing it strongly. It’s gentle, which is why I chose it, and it is not directly going to be heard outside of the table. The vocal melody is delicate, intricate, and just can’t be sung in a powerful voice. It needs to be amplified. I can barely hear myself, trying to sing it as strongly as I can without any amplification. After a little while, I can hear the other musicians join in. Some gentle cajon. And some of the most beautiful violin playing I’ve ever heard. It sounds so beautiful, with the little orchestra backing my very delicate voice. The song is enormous, but so delicate that you can’t hear it if you don’t sharpen your ears. As the last note seems to be endlessly dragged across the universe, slowly fading out in the ether, applause fills up the newly made sound space. People shout at us to sing something more powerful and the musicians around us look astonished. Aine told me that she loved the quality of my voice and would love to hear it amplified. I am absolutely delighted. Delighted beyond. Pat seems to have been completely taken by surprise. He tells Mark that he absolutely loves the song and that the chords in the melody are absolutely beautiful. Both me and Mark shine with pride as we say thank you. But the consensus right now seems to be that we have to sing one more song. Oh. What to do? We need something a bit more powerful now. ‘Let’s go with freefall.’
Mark directs me this time to direct the bar instead of the musicians and I stand up. No way I can sing Freefall without standing up. As we start I realise how the whole bar is into it. Freefall isn’t a quick song, but it is powerful. It has some really heavy parts in it where I can actually use some volume and punk vibes, but it has a lot of gentleness in it as well if you choose to perform it that way. I think we’re joined by the other musicians in this song, but I am too busy performing to really notice. I am absolutely in the moment. I am living the song, using my whole body to express it. It’s like the whole world disappears as I sing. I get jolted back to reality by the occasional forgotten lyric, but more often than not my brain just keeps imagining some sound to put in the place instead. Avoiding breaking the spell. It’s like I can hear the room get shocked and sucked into the song, when the dynamics of the song changes. Once again the song dies out as I slowly fade out on the last note. The audience is delighted and I hear nothing but applause and praise everywhere I look.
We order ourselves a second beer, sitting down with the musicians, chatting a little bit in between the songs. There’s not that many breaks in it, but they seem to have newfound respect for both of us which is great. After a little while Mark calls me, telling me about this girl that seems to want to talk to me. I leave the musicians table, walk up and lean towards a bar chair. This girl Sevilla comes up to me, totally praising me and being very vocal about it. ‘I love what you did, you sing great. But I want to hear you sing more. I want you to sing more powerfully.’ Sevilla says. I try to defend myself, ‘Well, you see, I’ve sung so much today that I’m about to lose my voice. I can’t sing anymore’. She is having none of my defenses. ‘I really want to hear you belt it out. Do it for us, we want to hear’. Well OK, then. I don’t really think I have a choice in the matter. ‘OK, I’ll sing one more, a powerful one, just for you Sevilla.’ I go find Mark and tell him. ‘We’re going to do Naked.’ He looks surprised but delighted. ‘Tell them, we’re doing one more’, and Mark goes up to the musicians table to see about us doing one more. But just as he is walking up there, there’s this guy that asks them to do a song and he starts singing a traditional Irish trad song. We wait our turn, and I make sure to tell the bar manager that we’ll be doing one more so he won’t miss it.
Mark:
I would never normally do this. Be invited to play a song with people, do my thing, then go and ask if I could do more. But this is not a normal situation. It’s punters who are doing the demanding and I make this clear to Pat, saying, ‘I’m sorry mate. I don’t really care, but we aren’t being given a choice here. People are demanding we do more. Could we please come back in?’ He laughs and offers me his guitar. Oh, double bonus. Unlike the guitar I used earlier, this one has a strap on it, meaning I’m able to play standing up which is how we usually do it.
Maja:
After we sit down at our seats at the musicians table I can actually see the people at the bar communicating in a way that seems like they’re anticipating our next song. Jerry calls people to him, and I can see the rumor spreading. As the Irishman finishes his eight minutes long song, Mark gets to borrow Pat’s guitar, and I take my place up on a chair, effectively creating a stage for myself. Mark stands close to me, and I turn towards the bar.
‘Hello everyone, we are The Diaries. This is our pre warmup gig for the warmup gig we have here on Friday. We have one more song to perform to you tonight. This one is dedicated to you, Sevilla. ‘I Like You (Better When You’re Naked)’’. The crowd cheers, and we start. Hard. I sing loud, standing on the chair. Moving with my whole body. Looking at the audience. There’s no doubt only complete confidence. I own this place. You will look at me. You will love hearing this. I absolutely belt out the song. Powerfully. There’s no amplification, but everyone hears every single word I sing. You can feel how they are sucked into the moment, completely taken back by the performance. Everyone looks at me, and I am loving it. As the song cheekily ends with ‘I like you better when you’re naked’, me and Mark go quiet and the room absolutely explodes into applause. ‘Thank you so much’, I call out to the audience feeling like a rockstar. As I step off the chair I tell the audience, ‘Here you have it. That’s for all of you that are calling me shy’. I see how the people around me are shocked. They don’t expect me to say something that extreme, but it feels so nice. I got so tired of them thinking I couldn’t sing with power just because the first songs were slow. It’s a little bit of an in your face moment, which I completely deserve.
This is awesome. People are loving it. I can see how they’re shocked and everyone’s attitudes have changed. From being all like: ‘What you’re doing is impossible’, to treating me with respect. It’s amazing. The greatest change in attitude I see from the musicians. They don’t seem to know what they just saw. It’s like they can’t process it.
So. If we weren’t in the musicians group already, we certainly are now. Both of us.
I am a rockstar tonight.
Mark:
This does not happen. Original songs played during cover sets mostly get ignored, just less actually cheered. But even when they do, a reaction like this? No. That really doesn’t happen. To be asked for more? Does not happen at all. To have a third demanded? Actually demanded? Does. Not. Happen. This has been an incredible first experience of our own songs fully out there in public. A great confidence boost for myself and for Maja as she prepares to front a project for the first time in her life. And a confidence boost for our music and performances in general. I think you could say we feel ready for Friday now.
We’ve heard quite a few pieces of advice recently about what we’re about to do. A guy we met a few weeks ago almost begged us not to try to play our own songs in this town. ‘They’ll throw things at you,’ he said.
Pat and Colm, who we met last week. Full of well meaning and heartfelt advice. Colm almost pleading with us not to do what we were planning to do. ‘I really really advise you to throw some covers in when you play there,’ he said in the car as Pat was giving us a lift home. I was emphatic. ‘No. It will be all originals.’ I think inside his mind he threw his hands in the air and gave up. ‘They’ll learn,’ he may well have been thinking.
Pat had his say in the same conversation. ‘Originals? No-one wants to know. All they want is nursery rhymes for adults. That’s what playing covers is and that’s what they want.’ Here, I threw my own two bob into it, even as I was defiantly resisting, just to let them know that I knew exactly where they were coming from. ‘John Lennon himself could come back from the dead, write a song for you and you could go play it in a bar and no-one would care.’ Pat and Colm nod knowingly. Yes. It’s exactly like that. Their demeanour screams, ‘You see. You get it. So don’t do it.’
After what’s just happened here tonight, no-one’s telling us to do covers anymore. This performance is also the catalyst for me and Maja to look at each other and say, ‘Screw it. Let’s do our full set as planned.’
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