Friday November 5

Mark:

My first ever rehearsal in bed. And the firstest band related thing I’ve ever done in my life. It happens as soon as I open my eyes so this record will not be broken. Unless someone uses my hands to play percussion while I’m asleep. Come to think of it, maybe they have. Maja’s already awake and as soon as she sees my eyes open she gently starts to sing our new song, which she will follow up by announcing it is now titled Bang Bang. And of course I join in. This song is an A capella with both of us singing.

And this is how we begin the day of our first gig. With our first and only rehearsal of the day and we’ve not even got up yet.

Maja:

I love that. I am getting so many of your firsts!

Mark:

Yes you most definitely are. And given I’ve never been on an actual international musical tour, I feel you’ll be getting a whole lot more of them. Oh, and people, this is actually me and Maja talking to each other in here right now. She’s in Sweden and I’m home alone in London. And Maja wrote this tonight and we’re putting it out tonight, so this is pretty much real time communication.

Maja:

You’ve been around for so much longer than I have, but I still manage to snatch all these little gems that I call our firsts. And yes, challenge accepted. I will soon play percussion with you when you’re asleep. I’m deciding that no-one has done that yet, so I’m going to! It’s mine!

Mark:

Oh no. I think I’ve made a terrible mistake.

As we get into the day, Maja is supremely confident. So much so that I actually find it a little unsettling, nervous that she might have gone a little into the complacent column. I mention none of this because I don’t want to make her nervous, and this confidence is wonderful to see. The first she heard of it was when she read that last sentence you just read. So you are literally on the same page.

Maja:

I can’t not react to that, can I? No. Seriously? Did you really find my behaviour unsettling? 

Mark:

Yes.

Maja:

Wow. That’s news to me. But yeah, I feel absolutely no nervousness towards performing. I can’t even tell you why, I just feel extremely confident. I’m not complacent, I just don’t feel nervous. I feel like I could perform in a stadium without being afraid. 

Mark: 

Working ourselves into the day, we have a look at my to do list for while Maja is away.

I have just the best to do list ever. It looks like this. 

song writing – which Maja absolutely insists goes top of priorities. 

Diary writing

Record guitar tracks for everything we have so that Maja can practice over the next three weeks.

Pitching for:

A support tour with an established act

Agents for The Diaries book(s)

Publishers for the same

Then pitching for this new idea.

The Tour Diary

This is something we believe could be a proposition for publications of various types, both on and offline, and something we think such businesses would pay for. We also think that if we stick to entities which are not in competition with each other, we can write essentially the same piece each week, or whatever is required, and get paid for it from each publication. It’s an idea.

Maja:

I’m quite happy with the list that’s finally starting to take shape. Mark really has enough to do to take the time of a full time job. Nah, he has way much more to do. As for me, I really wish I could be more active in this thing right now, but I am going to Sweden to have surgery. I have a ganglion on my wrist, which is pressing on a nerve and hurts so I’m getting it cut out, and during that time I am going to hang out at my mum’s house. So it’s going to be hard for me to focus on the project, but I’ll do my best during the time I get. I won’t really be able to write that much, since I will be effectively one armed for the majority of the visit. For me, it’s going to be surgery and family and dog time. Quite nice. So I’m going to focus on that, and Mark will be doing a lot from his side. The next time we will meet each other will probably be on our European Tour. Starting, maybe in Berlin? Let’s see what happens.

Somewhere in the afternoon I start to pack. I’m effectively packing for an European tour which I don’t know when I’m getting back from. I mainly have to make sure that all clothing is clothing I feel confident in, and only things that I would like to wear performing or in photographs and videos. And also, a couple of pajamas to sleep in. Clothing, make-up, and who’s a serious musician if you’re not having a significant part of your bag filled with music equipment? Microphones, leads, interface and small bits and pieces. Yeah, I think I’m somewhat set. I’m ready. We’re going on tour, and no, I haven’t played my first gig yet. That’s next now.

Mark:

We’ve spent the past few days mildly avoiding the elephant in the room that Maja’s leaving Ireland the day after the show and we won’t see each other for at least three weeks. But we haven’t been able to help escape the quite mad narrative fact that we will be playing our first gig on Maja’s last full day in Ireland before the tour.

With that, she now starts packing. A little while later I say, ‘I’ve just realised. You’re packing for the European tour.’ ‘Yes, I know,’ she replies. ‘I’ve been very well aware of that. It’s crazy.’ And she has still never played a gig in her life.

That of course is about to change. By the time 8 O’Clock comes round we’ve got our gear together and are ready to leave. The Trap is about five minutes’ walk away from us so we’re in with plenty of time to set up and soundcheck.

While we’re setting up, quite a few curious looks are coming our way. I see this as an excuse to introduce ourselves by going up to people, explaining what’s happening and giving them a card. The first person I walk up to reacts to my pleasantries with, ‘Will you just get on with it and play some music?’ Oh dear. Without losing my friend face, I explain to him that yes, while we still are setting up, we’re not due to start until 9pm anyway. It is now 8:20. I choose not to tell Maja of this mildly hostile exchange. Whenever you’re soundchecking or setting up, it’s not at all unheard of for a drunk person or two to say words along the lines of, ‘Get on with it.’ It really doesn’t make you particularly motivated to entertain them to be fair.

Maja hasn’t flinched. Hasn’t shown the slightest sign of blinking. Carry on. Get through the song and carry on. She was right. She really wasn’t nervous. She truly was ready. She’s come in here tonight like she owns the place and really, if you’re going to do your own songs to any kind of audience really, that’s the attitude you need to have. I’m in charge here and that’s the end of it. She is, and it’s all eyes on Maja.

Maja:

The second song feels easier. I’m totally in it. I have the lyrics on a music stand out of sight of the audience in case I lose my place in the song, but I realise that it’s really hard to change pages. I just take the previous song and toss it on the floor. Good enough. We barely allow any time between the two first songs, and to me A Listing disappears almost as quickly as we started it. As the song ends I realise the number of phones that have appeared. The cheer is deafening. I can’t really think straight, but I am good at working under pressure. Mark says ‘Thank you, thank you so much’, and I realise that I need to speak.

Mark:

When we finish: Mad. Just loud, high pitched. An original band in coverband territory. This isn’t supposed to happen. They’re with us all the way now and Maja is feeling it. It’s on. She’s ready to talk and gives the shortest of speeches to mention that this is our last gig before touring, and to introduce the next song, pausing before the bracket. I Like You (Better When You’re Naked), a song we started writing sitting at our kitchen table one night after Maja just came out with those exact words.

Maja:

‘Thank you so much everyone. We are The Diaries. This is our warm up gig for our European tour. Next stop, Berlin.’ Then, slightly out of breath: ‘This next song, we call: I Like You Better When You’re Naked.’ I wish I could show you the stunned looks on the audience’s faces. It’s priceless. I’m taking a sip of water, and use that short moment to really observe the audience. I couldn’t tell you how many people were here when we started, but it is definitely more now. I think the young guys from the back bar are starting to emerge as well. The phones are out. I’m loving it. And this song is really fun to perform. I won’t say fun to sing anymore, it’s fun to perform. A performance to me is so much more. I have the room wrapped around my little finger. 

Mark:

Oh man it’s on. After the adrenaline packed near disaster of Smile, which could have seen us finished before we really started, and the full throated support of A Listing, we feel we have this now. Maja’s body language throughout has shown that she never had a doubt and I think I can claim the same. We have not backed down. Not an inch. Not for a second. And now here we are. Naked just hits. It just hits. By now, the room is full of people pointing their phones at us, recording us. This level of reaction? An originals act in coverband territory? Come on. This does not happen. An original band in original band territory playing their first gig? Even there, this level of reaction does not happen. We thought the first two songs had caused eruptions. They were just warm ups for what follows Naked. Then we drop the ball.

Maja:

I had the room wrapped around my finger. I owned the room. Now it feels like no-one is listening anymore. I mean yeah, it is disappointing to see the audience right now, but I don’t really care. I can’t stop half way through a song, and if anyone is enjoying it, even one, I need to do my absolute best. Well maybe no-one is listening. It feels that way as the audience starts to creep back to their corners and beers. Even if the ball is dropped, even if they are going to boo afterwards, I need to finish this song. Finish it so we can lead into the next one. I close my eyes to try to feel the delicateness of the song a bit more. This song is all about feel. We performed this to a friend once, after showing some of our more upbeat material. You know what he did? He took a piss. He turned his back to us as I was singing and took a piss. Well, seeing that we just left. He is no friend of ours anymore. That’s a line crossed. Or more of a wall broken down with a bulldozer of disrespect. So I know that this song can be a hit or miss, and it is definitely missing today even though it hit two days ago. But dare I say we’re having a little bit of a success anyway. There’s this guy in the back with his hands in the air waving along to the music. As soon as I finish it, I let those last notes slowly die out and there’s applause. People are still cheering at us. ‘Thank you very much. Next song is called Freefall’.

Freefall feels so good to sing. It just does. There’s this delicateness in the beginning that completely matches the slowness of Breakthrough, but it is fierce. The language and melody are just strong. In the beginning it’s delicate but then it just cuts through. ‘These words are cutting far too deep, keep crawling at me in my sleep.’ Just yes. And that crawling is my little rewrite. This song just hits me so hard every time I sing it and I love performing it, which makes it a good choice to have after a possible miss. Because I won’t falter one step. I can totally just sing this song for myself, and that is going to make the audience adore me. I wanna be adored. And just by doing this, I am slowly picking the ball back up again. People are coming back out, and I have the attention once again. 

‘Thank you very much. I always wondered, what can you really be?’ I’m making this up on the spot. ‘What would you be? What if you were a door? Or a song?’ Mark fills in, telling me, ‘I think you’re a song tonight.’ ‘Yeah, I think I’m a song as well. That’s fitting for tonight. This next song is about that. It’s called All That I Can Be.’

Mark:

It’s only afterwards that we think maybe we shouldn’t have done this, but no-one ever made a mistake in hindsight. If we had chosen not to play Breakthrough we might have kicked ourselves for bottling it. But maybe to play a slowie after such a big hit of a fastie, maybe not the best of ideas. But then, maybe we didn’t think Naked would land in such a big way. But here we are. Breakthrough is a kind of a break and I get the feeling a few people are into it and having a nice groove. The bar all starts to get a bit chatty again. OK. That’s fine. I guess they’re happy to have a chance to get back to a little talk for a while. Then Freefall after that. I like the way this song starts slow and builds, fitting domino like into Breakthrough. But it’s another slow section people have to wait through and I can’t help thinking we’re slightly losing them after doing so well to have got them. Freefall is a really weird song for me. It’s a very old one and a song I’ve always put way down my own list. But it’s almost like the runt that finds its own power to beat the whole litter. It’s just kept being there. Way back when, being asked to do a radio slot, my band said Freefall was the one. Putting together a set for the next lineup of that band. Freefall was everyone’s choice. It wasn’t mine. Maja had my whole lifetime of songs to listen to. Freefall made it into the final selection. Then when we came to record, we went for Naked first. Maja’s next call? Yep. You guessed it. It just keeps being there. Whatever this thing is, it’s grown a will and a power well beyond my control. If I’d had my way it would never have been heard again past the first year of its existence. But here it is, almost two decades later still being picked above everything. You can’t do anything but stand aside when that starts happening to your own songs. 

So now it’s here now. It doesn’t get the best of reactions to be fair, but by the end we can see they’re still with us. Onto All That I Can Be and Wide Blue Yonder, a song we have a lot of faith in. Neither really fully hits anywhere near the first three, but Maja hasn’t been put off her stride one bit tonight. She’s a powerhouse tonight, her body language almost raging at the audience even as the songs drip feelgood factor. She’s selling them like they cannot be refused. And they are not being refused. The whoops and cheers of the first three songs haven’t quite happened again and I really think we’ve made a mistake with the order. But then, to not play Breakthrough would have felt like bottling it. We’ll take these lessons. Bottom line is, seven songs in and they’re still onside. I would have taken just that before we started tonight.

Maja:

Neither All That I Can Be nor Wide Blue Yonder got a huge reaction, but they are good songs and they got polite reactions. Which is fine. It feels like the audience is starting to lose focus, and they are getting used to the set we’re having. So it is time for us to stir it up with the biggest risk of tonight. Bang Bang. Written 18 hours ago, and no, I can’t quite recall the melody. Mark puts down his guitar and we start off with the first chorus together, the song starts directly with a chorus. As the chorus is about to end I turn my microphone off, put it down and start to walk around the pub singing the first verse. ‘Hello, hello, hello.’ I watch the people, kinda saying hello to them, letting the people close to me hear my voice as Mark is the only one amplified. I’m just dancing around singing, and so many people are filming me. The next chorus starts and I stay on the floor, preparing for the cool part that comes in verse two. I’m putting my hands into the pistol sign dancing bang bang, but the sound doesn’t come. Mark has completely forgotten how it goes, and he can’t hear me. Oh well, it must look really funny I think as I continue my silly soundless dance, singing bang bang myself. He soon improvises something and I continue to dance and sing ‘Walking through the tables a little unstable bang bang.’ Yeah. That’s it. The melody is slightly wrong, but it is OK. As I join him back for the last verse and chorus it feels like we did it. Now it is just the last song. There’s a loud cheer and we start our song All Kinds Of Wonderful.

Mark:

If we thought we were taking a risk on Bang Bang before we come here, it gets even riskier during Wide Blue Yonder. All I could think of was what was coming next and I just couldn’t remember the rhythm. So I lost focus and made a few mistakes in Wide as well, which we got away with, but they were there. Now we start Bang Bang and I still haven’t quite got it fully in my bones yet. It gets no introduction. Wide finishes and I click my fingers to a beat. We’re doing this A Capella and Maja is going to go out there among the audience, alone. While I stay on the stage, guitarless and alone. And with the second verse just totally gone from my mind.

But there she is. Out there, completely giving it. We really had no idea how this would go, but it’s going and Maja is owning the bar and her new public while I do my own gentle thing back here. We get to the second verse and I still don’t have it. So I just do. Something. Just keep it going. I think it’s horrendous and I will spend the next day still beating myself up about it. Like a goalkeeper who played great in a 4-1 victory but who can’t let go of the one goal that was totally his fault. But, fast forward and I see a recording of it. It really isn’t so bad at all. It even works. We got away with that one. Goal chalked off by VAR review. 4-0.


Even in the moment I feel we’ve got away with something. We were so uncertain about this one that we’d gone for just launching straight into the next song without a break, which is me pounding a down picking beat before Maja comes in when she’s ready. This results in the very strange but satisfying situation of being deep into the intro of a song while the audience is still full on cheering for the last one. Well, I guess that went OK then.

We’re now into our last song. All Kinds Of Wonderful. Another new one from Clara that me and Maja have punched and beaten into shape. One single line had us beat for two days until Maja bounded into the bathroom while I was having a shower to declare that she’d nailed it. She had.

Maja:

Performing All Kinds of Wonderful it’s like I just can’t connect with it. It feels flat, it feels just, boring almost. The attention we’re getting is devastatingly small. It just misses. That’s such a disappointment. The big one we’d saved for last. It feels like it deserves more attention, but yeah I get it. The performance is probably not doing the song any favours. I think it is a bit too poppy maybe. Maybe we can make it feel better in the future, maybe it can be just that the key is wrong, I don’t know. It needs to feel bigger. But I can’t do anything about it right now, but trying my best with what we got. So we do. As we finish, there’s almost no applause. 

‘Thank you very much guys, that was our last song. We are The Diaries.’ I finish off and take a sip of water. People are turning around confused.

Mark:

The reaction to us finishing this is a bit underwhelming. A little disappointing. We chose this as the show closer because we had so much faith in it and now everything feels a little flat. Oh well. We’ve made it this far and that really means a lot. I start to put the guitar down. Then, as I’m putting the guitar down, it begins.

More. More. More. But not just that. It feels like the whole bar is calling for Naked. An original act playing a coverband bar. Getting a rapturous encore, and a unanimous call for one song. Come on. This does not happen.

Maja:

They just started. Almost like a chant. More, more, more. People are shouting, and they want to hear the song Naked. Wow. This feels amazing. ‘Thank you so much everyone, we’ll do one more. This is I Like You Better When You’re Naked!’ And off we go. I’m sweating, my voice is beginning to break but I’m on the home run now. This is the last stretch and I am enjoying it to its fullest. I go all in, with power and all the cheekiness I can muster. I wish the audience was bigger. I am absolutely loving it.

After the cheeky ending where we both shout: ‘I like you better when you’re NAKED,’ the pub just explodes in applause and cheering and whooping. I feel like a rockstar. I am a rockstar. Again there are shouts for more. Demands. But we have to decline. I give Mark a victory kiss and we start to turn the equipment off and then we’re dragged around the different groups of the audience as people praise us. Well, of course there’s that drunk asshole that keeps asking me to get naked just because of that song, but apart from that there’s just a lot of praise. People tell us that we’re going to be huge. We sign autographs, and there’s requests to take selfies with us. After the first round of attention has settled down we order a beer. ‘Well done tonight Mark. We owned this place tonight.’

Well I’ve never done a gig before, but I don’t think this happens to everyone. Maybe it does, what do I know?

Mark:

Oh wow. OK. After all that, after all the uncertainty, with the, we have them, we don’t, we do, we don’t, we’re getting an encore. But not just that. There’s one particular song the whole place wants again. So we do it. And just like that we have them again. Totally. The place goes mad and some are even singing along to the chorus. We finish and again, there are calls for more and more. I look up at Maja. We really don’t have more. At least, not anything that can top that. And anyway, ‘Leave ‘em shouting for more,’ I say. Yep. We agree. We’re done. 

We make our way straight out into the bar. Past well wishing audience members and in among the few people we’ve got to know in here. But I get called away, and Maja does too. People just want to talk to us now.

The guys who call me over are emphatic. They want autographs. And more. They want us to sign stuff to put up over the back of the bar to show we were here. One of the guys even asks for some kind of memorabilia to display in the bar. I have no idea what that would be. I have no idea if the management would want anything and I’m not going to offer. That would just be a bit too forward. They introduce themselves to me as Albert, Steve and Joe. And they nod as Albert says, ‘You guys are going to be huge, and I want people to know you started in Clara.’ What the hell are you supposed to say to that? I just write the messages and sign the autographs. Then I take the beermats I was given over to a totally disbelieving Maja who signs the first autographs of her life. At the end of the first gig of her life. Singing originals.

Maja? What can I say? First ever gig and you’ve got two encore calls and you’re signing autographs. This. Does. Not. Happen. You are a rockstar. And I love you.

Maja:

This was amazing. I am a rockstar now. And so are you. 

I think I stole some more of you firsts tonight.